woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize