I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
