End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
