is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
