There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Less talking, more tequila
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
