normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
