I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
