Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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