Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize