i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
