Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
