matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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