So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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