I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
