I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
