can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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