i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
