I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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