3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
