Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
