did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
