I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
