Sponge bath it is.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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