yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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