It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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