I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
