I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
