is your mom at the bar?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize