he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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