why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
