Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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