So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
