Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
