So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
