dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
