I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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