just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
