So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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