He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
