I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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