i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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