he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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