you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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