My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
