my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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