Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
