dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
