watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
