Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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