Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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