I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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