my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
