I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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