should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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