Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
