I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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