dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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