Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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