he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
