Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
