went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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