Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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