I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
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Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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