All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
