I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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