you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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